Joie

WHENEVER I FEEL WEAK

I remember way back then when my father is still alive. We used to go on an outing every summer together with the whole family and some friends. A moment that became so memorable for me, not only because it’s an occasion where the family gathered together and have sometimes bonding up, it’s more on, in that particular occasion, I learned something that I’ve been able to remind myself...whenever I feel weak.


It is still fresh in my memory when my father and I had some time alone in the sea. He told me that he will be going to teach me how to swim. I was so excited. I don’t know yet how to swim. I was only 10 years old at that time.
My dad rents a lifebuoy. I was glad because I knew that my father was thinking about my safety. A knowledge that he’s giving me a fun time to enjoy my swimming lesson...but I was wrong.
He asked me to ride on the buoy. While I'm on it, I was full of anticipation to learn and to have a moment with him.
I look at him as my hero. A knight in shining armor. I love him for being tough and a man of authority. That time I was confident that nothing bad will happen because he’s with me.
He dragged me into the water while telling a lot of stories. Teaching techniques and instructing me to look at the view. He tells how fascinating the ocean is. I was so overwhelmed that I hardly understand his words. Also, I was not paying much attention to my surroundings.
Until I realized that the water we are on is already deep. Seeing only my father’s head, I got a little worried because that moment I started recognizing some jellyfish that I know will sting and painful once their tentacles touch your skin.
But then again, my father is with me so it’s all right. He keeps talking even though it seems that he’s aware that I am getting anxious. He continued talking about the beauty of the ocean. The flashing waves, the heat of the sun, and how sharp the corals are on the depth of the ocean floor.
For a moment I forgot about my uncomfortable situation. I was mesmerized by the look on my father’s face. He’s talking about the sea but it seems he’s referring to the whole thing that in my young understanding I couldn’t figure out what was it. I was still thinking about what he’s trying to say when he suddenly move and pushing me away.
I asked why he’s doing it. He just looked at me and laugh. I thought he was joking or playing around. But I begin to panic when I notice that he is already miles away. The water is still in his head level but instead of being calm, I was brooding in fears seeing the seashore far away. The jellyfish that was only a few a while ago are now starting to build up. Targeting me as their prey. They’re circling my buoy as if they don’t want me to escape. That time I started to yell because my father is too far. Thinking, perhaps he can’t hear my voice that’s why he’s ignoring me.
The waves are getting huge and it crashing the buoy. The sun which was too hot is now about to set. Not to mention the jellyfish that still there and look like they called their entire colony. My eyes burst into tears. Scared of all the things happening at the same time. I can’t comprehend why my father let me go and allowing me to suffer. I thought, he will never be going to leave me. That he will teach me how to survive but how come he’s letting these things happen and doesn’t seem to care!?...that he will let me die.

The waves keep tossing. My only hope, the thing that keeps me floating, at that moment I thought, will only save me since my father went mad and seems out of his mind...my buoy.
The jellies are still there and I get weary. I keep shouting to get my father’s attention. I begged but looks like he doesn’t mind at all. I was confused. I’m beginning to hate him and bubbling curses that my little mind can utter. I was terrified in horror, devastated when my father shouted back. Telling me not to cry. My mind wasn’t in the right state. I was baffled, feel lost, and wishing at that moment to vanish. I felt I was about to faint.
When I heard my father yell again. This time, it’s drastic, sounds like he’s angry. Telling me to stop being pathetic and think of something. “Use your brain”! He said.
Despite all the unlikely things happening. My fear of my father’s angry voice overcome the situation. He uses that tone whenever he loses his temper. My siblings and I stand in terror every time he is mad. Even though I knew I am already in total danger I still think that I’ll be in big trouble if I won’t follow his words. So I started to think of what to do. Then my eyes went to my feet. Realizing I still wear my flip flop.


I reached for those and started to paddle up. Which made the jellies go away. I already have sunburns for being exposed to the sun for a long time and my skin hurts so I tried to take off my shirt and dumped it into the water and put it on my head to freshen up. I was in great courage when I see that I am almost at my father's grasp. Stretching his hands to reach me. When I’m in his chest. I cried again, not because of fear...I feel relief. I also feel ashamed for not thinking wise. I blamed myself for lacking courage.
I forgot that all those times when I was struggling, my father didn't leave me. He was far yes, but he never left. And I can’t believe myself saying sorry, although I believed I didn’t do anything wrong. But then my father said, it’s all right now. Calm down and let’s go.
While coming near the shore, holding hands.
My dad unexpectedly let go of my hand. I thought he put it down because it’s already safe since the water is on his waist level. Which means I am safe and finally can alight from the buoy. But I noticed strangely, he’s untying something from his belly...a string.
A string that tied up from his belly to my lifebuoy. A string that connects us.
Upon seeing him doing that, I saw marks and fresh wounds.
Wounds that the tight string made of. That all along, while I am having difficulties at the water. When the waves crashing my buoy, that tosses it in different directions. That string also pulled my father back and forth.
I didn’t realize that while I’m having those unforgettable moments which doesn’t hurt me much physically, he is enduring the pain of holding that string on his body. Once again, I cried, but it was hidden. I didn’t let him know that I am crying inside for pitying him. All along I thought he was just seeing me from afar...doing nothing, laughing and teasing. For a second, I judged him as a bad father. For a while, I uttered bad words, for making me miserable. What I didn’t realize, behind that poker face, he's bleeding. Then, the salted water added up, plus his sunburns as well. And who knows, while swimming away from me, some jellies stung him and sharp stones brushed his feet that caused him pain.
After untying himself, I grabbed his hand. Then pressed it and give him a warm smile. This time I said, thank you, Papa.
He didn’t teach me how to swim. He taught me more than that. More than just physical survival. He taught me how to gather courage. He taught me to be brave. To trust and have faith. To love with all my heart.
Way back telling those stories, the view, the beauty of the ocean, the waves, the sun, and the sea creatures. I didn’t realize, he was talking about life. How beautiful life is. How dangerous it is. How drastic it will be and how unfair it could get.
In our life. When emotional things get into our nerve, we easily give up. Feels like the whole heaven falls upon us. That God deprived our beings. But we failed to realize that life has its magic. It’s a miracle that we should be grateful for. Life is a teacher and experiences are the lessons.
Life is a blessing.


My father passed away, I was 17. It happened a long time ago but still, his memory remains. His words, his teachings, and his love.
In times, when I feel so helpless, that I’m about to give up, times when I feel lost, times when nobody loves me...I just think of him. All those memories that linger. It gives me hope to go on, to fight, to have courage, to trust, and not to lose love.
My father
The God Almighty...they are my strength, whenever I feel weak.

                                                                   Joie27 ;)

I JUST WATCHED OUR LOCAL NEWS FEW HOURS AGO, AND I CAN'T HELP MYSELF TO FEEL BAD WHILE WATCHING WHAT HAPPENED TO SOME PLACES WHERE THE  TYPHOON HAD BEEN. OUR COUNTRY IS IN THE TYPHOON BELT SO MORE OR LESS PEOPLE WHO LIVES NEAR AND EXACTLY  IN THOSE AFFECTED AREAS ARE ALREADY USED TO THOSE CALAMITIES. IT HAPPENS YEARLY ANYWAY BUT THE DIFFERENCE, IT GET WORSE EVERY YEAR. AND SEEING SOMEBODY WHOSE BEEN HAVING A HARDTIME AND UNFORTUNATELY LOST SOMEONE THEY LOVE  COULD NEVER BE GET USED TO  ANYONE. POINTING FINGERS OR BLAMING  OTHERS IS A COMMON ATTITUDE ESPECIALLY IF THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THEY COULD RELEASE THEIR TENSIONS, BUT AT THE END OF IT, IT ISN'T GOING TO WORK FOR THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.   IS ISN'T USELESS THOUGH FOR SOMEBODY MIGHT LEARNED FROM THAT EXPIRIENCED.

MY HEART WAS TOUCHED AND I GET TEARY EYES WHEN I LISTEN TO ONE RESIDENT THERE WHO  CAME OUT FROM THE HOSPITAL, A MOTHER WHOSE BEEN CARRYING HER CHILD, WHO JUST GOT DISCHARGE BY THE ILLNESS OF DENGUE, SHE'S TRYING TO LOOK TOUGH WHILE WALKING IN THOSE FLOODY ROADS,.AND WHEN THE REPORTER APPROACH HER TO GET AN INTERVIEW, HER VOICE JUST CRACK UP. HOW DEVASTATING IT IS FOR A MOTHER WHO JUST BEEN THROUGH AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS WHEN HER CHILD WAS FIGHTING FOR IT'S LIFE, NOT TO BE CONSIDER THE FINANCIAL WORRIES SHE HAD INCOUNTERED TO GET HER CHILD OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, AND WHEN SHE FINALLY THROUGH THAT, AND LOOKING FORWARD TO COME HOME, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BECAUSE THEIR HOUSE SOMEWHERE MIGHT BE IN THE DEPTH OF THE WATER. SUFFERING LIES IN A PLACE WHERE NO ONE CAN TRAVEL.

PEOPLE USUALLY COMPLAIN WHENEVER THEY ARE LACKING OF SOMETHING, WHAT THEY DIDN'T REALIZED, IT IS ONLY A THING, WHILE OTHERS LOSSES EVERYTHING. PEOPLE EASILY GET UPSET WHEN SOMETHING MESS UP, BUT THEY DIDN'T NOTICE SOMEBODY OUT THERE IS IN TOTAL MESS BUT STILL , THEY DON'T LOOSE HOPE AND STRIVING HARD TO SURVIVE.

SOMETIMES, NO MATTER HOW FAITH WE HAVE, WE LOSE POEPLE. BUT WE NEVER FORGET THEM. AND SOMETIMES, IT'S THOSE MEMORIES THAT GIVE US THE FAITH TO GO ON. YES, THERE ARE TIMES  WHEN THE VERY GROUND THAT WE STAND ON IS SHAKING, AND IT HAPPENS WHEN WE THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS CALM AND STABLE, AND THEN SUDDENLY THE GROUNDS BEGINS TO RUMBLE AND WE'RE NO LONGER HAVE THE CONTROL. BUT WE SHOULD KEEP IN MIND THAT IF WE ACT LIKE A VICTIM, WE WILL BE TREATED AS ONE.

AND THATS WHY PRAYERS ARE NEEDED BECAUSE PRAYERS ARE THE WORDS THAT OUR SOULS LONG TO SAY, THROUGH PRAYERS WE CONNECT OURSELVES TO THE "HOLY ONE". IT'S A CHANNEL WHERE WE CAN TALK TO GOD..IN PRAYERS OUR SOULS, SPIRIT AND BODY ENGAGED AND EMERGE TO SPIRITUAL WORLD. THROUGH IT, GOD LISTENS IN WHATEVER OUR HEART SAYS.

AND REMEMBER, COURAGE, POSITIVE OUTLOOK AND FAITH WON'T NEVER LET US DOWN.AND TO OVERCOME SUCH DIFFICULTIES ARE ALREADY AN ACHIEVEMENT, TO FACE TRIALS WITH GRACE AND BRAVERY IS AN AWESOME PERSONALITY. TO THANK GOD IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING IS UNDENIABLY SHOWING OF A GREAT FAITH. WE SHOULD BEAR IN MIND THAT WE DON'T NEED TO LOOK OVER OUR SHOULDER ALL THE TIME, WAITING FOR THE NEXT CRISIS. WE DON'T HAVE TO SPEND OUR DAYS HIDING FROM THE NEXT AMBUSH..LIVE IN LIGHT AND DO GOOD BECAUSE..GOD'S GOT OUR BACK..=)

   JOIE27 :)

THEY SAY WRITING IS BORING..WELL NOT FOR ME.I LOVE TO WRITE.IT'S EITHER POEMS OR JUST A SIMPLE BLOGS.

I LOVE READING AS WELL SO PROBABLY I GOT THAT INTEREST FROM THE BOOKS I READ.

I MOSTLY LOVE TO WRITE ABOUT LIFE,LOVE IN PARTICULAR,I DONT KNOW CAUSE MAYBE SOMEHOW I CAN RELATE TO OTHERS,NOT IN A WAY THAT I EXPIRIENCED SUCH THINGS BUT MORE ON,I LOVE LISTENING TO THOSE PEOPLE WHOSE BEEN THROUGH THAT STUFF,WHETHER HEARTBREAKS,JOY AND DIFFICULTIES.

IN EVERY PERSON I GOT INTERACT WITH,I MAKE SEE TO IT THAT I FEEL WHAT THEY FELT AT THAT MOMENT..THINKING THAT I AM IN THEIR OWN SHOES..WHAT WOULD I FEEL IF IM THE ONE WHOSE HAVING THOSE TRIALS OR BURDENS.

EVERYDAY AS I OPEN THIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT,CHECKING EVERY STATUSES OF EACH AND EVERYONE..I KINDA FEELTHE SAME THING THAT THEY HAD BEEN THROUGH,THE PAIN,THE BETRAYAL,HAPPINESS,ACHIEVEMENTS OR JUST A SIMPLE THING THEY DO OR DEALING WITH.

BUT MOSTLY MY ATTENTION CAUGHT UP BY THOSE PEOPLE WHOSE BEEN HAVING A HARDTIME DEALING LIFE OR DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR OWN LIVES.AND THROUGH THAT,SOMETIMES I CAN COME UP WITH THE IDEA OR WORDS THAT I THINK COULD SOMEHOW HELP OR ENCOURAGE THEM NOT TO GIVE UP,TO ENLIGHTEN IN SOME KIND SORT OF A WAY.

TO EXPLAIN HOW LIFE GOES ON ,IM NOT TRYING TO IMPLY THAT IM A PERSON WHO KNOWS ALL.BUT I COULD SAY THAT IM SENSITIVE ENOUGH TO RELATE,TO SEE THE VULNERABILITY OF A PERSON.

LIKE FOR INSTANCE,THOSE PEOPLE WHO WRITES BOOKS OR MOVIES..THEY COME UP WITH THE GREAT IDEAS BUT IT DOESNT MEAN THAT THEY BEEN THROUGH THAT..WELL NOT ALL THOUGH.SOME OF THEM MIGHT WROTE THOSE STUFF BASED ON THEIR OWN EXPIRIENCES,BUT MOSTLY ITS ONLY A PRODUCT OF THEIR WIDE,WILD IMAGINATIONS.

I FEEL IM STILL IMMATURE IN THIS KIND OF FIELD,BUT IM WILLING AND TRYING TO LEARN MORE,TO EXPLORE.

I COULDNT EVEN WRITE SOMETHING THAT HAS DEEPER MEANINGS,I ONLY TRYING TO EXPRESS SUCH FEELING S THAT COULD SOMEBODY UNDERSTAND. I WISH I COULD PUT MORE JUSTICE IN WHATEVER THEY FEEL.BUT THE THING IS,I KNOW BEYOND THAT PAINS,SORROWS  AND BURDENS,THERE ARE LESSONS IN BETWEEN AND IM LEARNING.

WRITTING IS MY PASSION,IM SO INTO IT.I LOVE TO COMMUNICATE WITH DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE,IN WHATEVER LEVEL AS POSSIBLE.IM LIMITED WITH  MY KNOWLEDGE AND CAPABILITIES BUT IM TRYING TO DO DIFFERENT STUFF IN MY OWN WAY,AND TO CHALLENGE MYSELF HOW FAR I CAN GO.

ITS A PASSION THAT I WANT TO PURSUE,A THING THAT I KNOW THAT I DIDNT EVEN MEET THE HAFTWAY OF IT,BUT IM WILLING AND HOPING TO ATTAIN SOMEDAY..

                                              JOIE27 :)